


Haunted: Dead or Alive

by stefwith1f



Category: The Thrilling Adventure Hour
Genre: Beyond Belief, Gen, Screenplay/Script Format
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-15
Updated: 2013-12-15
Packaged: 2018-01-04 16:59:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1083449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stefwith1f/pseuds/stefwith1f
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Love conquers all. </p><p>Well, "most."</p><p>I mean, look: it never hurts to ask for help.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Haunted: Dead or Alive

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Cosmic](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cosmic/gifts).



SPOOKY HAL  
Join the Doyles as they walk Beyond Belief in tonight's dark episode, "Haunted: Dead or Alive"  
Our story begins high above Park Avenue, in the penthouse of the famed Plaza Hotel, where Frank and Sadie Doyle tend to some administrative details... 

FRANK  
There. That's the last of our correspondence sorted. 

SADIE  
Did you remember rum? 

FRANK  
Ah! Good call. _And ten ... bottles_...  
Light or dark, Sadie love? 

SADIE  
Yes, please.   

FRANK  
Surely.  
 _Each ... kind ... of ... rum ... period. X O X O ... comma ... Frank ... ampersand ... Sadie ... Doyle_.  
There! 

SADIE  
Wonderful. I love placing our liquor orders so far in advance. By the time they arrive I've forgotten we even requested any! 

FRANK  
It _is_ very much like a present. 

SADIE  
From us! To us! 

FRANK  
You know, we _really_ ought get started on making room for all the liquor we ordered for _next_ week. 

SADIE  
Well then in that case: "To us!" Again!  
[CLINK]  
Oh. Frank. Someone's at the door. 

FRANK  
If I had a nickel for every time that's been the case, I'd pile them up and _barricade_ that door. Can't we just ignore it? 

SADIE  
No... 

FRANK  
I didn't even _hear_ the knock. If they want our attention, they should _knock_ like it. 

SADIE  
No, I should have been more clear, darling. There's someone standing in this room. With us. _By the door._

MEERA  
Hi. 

FRANK  
[Heavy sigh] 

MEERA  
You're Sadie Doyle, and you're Frank Doyle. 

SADIE  
Yes. 

MEERA  
And you can see me and hear me and everything? 

SADIE  
I pointed out your presence and answered your _first_ question, but I'll play along: _yes._

MEERA  
Oh jeez, so I'm just _standing_ in your home. I'm sorry, I didn't even think this would work! 

FRANK  
Well, you were wrong! And I do _not_ forgive you. 

SADIE  
Come now, Frank. She's clearly upset. What's your name, dear? 

MEERA  
Meera. Meera Davis. 

SADIE  
And you mean us no harm, correct? 

MEERA  
No! No, you two ... why, you're a ghost's last best hope, if I've heard right. 

FRANK  
You're a ghost! You're _sure_? 

MEERA  
Pretty sure. 

SADIE  
Not a Selkie? Not a Changeling or Mami Wata or Harionago or even a Rougarou? 

MEERA  
Nope. Regular ol' ... ghosty ghost. 

SADIE  
Oh, Frank, a _ghost._

MEERA  
Please, don't be afraid- 

SADIE  
Afraid! Oh you precious little dead girl, no. We're _charmed._

FRANK  
A ghost. Just a normal ghost. It's been ages. 

SADIE  
A year, at _least._

FRANK  
Why don't you have a seat, or ... hover midway through that settee over there. 

SADIE  
I wish we could offer you a drink. 

MEERA  
Believe me, I wish I could accept one! 

SADIE  
If only I could drink a drink, and then _you_ could drink the _ghost_ of that drink! 

FRANK  
In order for that to work, Sadie, your spirits would have to have- 

MEERA  
Spirits! 

FRANK  
I was going to say _souls_ , but sure, you seem like you could use a win. Let's go with the pun. 

SADIE  
Please, make yourself as diaphanously comfortable as possible; tell us what brings you here. 

MEERA  
Well. I died. 

FRANK  
You should _absolutely_ feel free to leave out any other obvious stuff. 

MEERA  
Right. Probably not too many ghosts whose stories _don't_ begin with the "becoming a ghost" part. 

SADIE  
If it's not prying to ask... 

MEERA  
Plane crash. 

SADIE  
Oh my. 

MEERA  
I know, right? So dramatic.  
Anyway. _That_ all happened. 

FRANK  
And now you're spending the afterlife wandering Manhattan, doing some light breaking-and-entering. 

MEERA  
I've been all _over_. Shamans, spiritualists, psychics ... and home, of course. As soon as I could - straight away - I went home to Dan. 

SADIE  
What exactly do you need from _us_? 

MEERA  
Dan and I always said that if something happened ... if _the worst_ happened, we'd try to come back. If it was possible, if there truly was _anything_ after ... after. We'd come _back_. And the other person wouldn't be scared, it wouldn't be a haunting, we'd just ... be there. For as long as we could. For as long as the other person wanted.  
We _promised._    
So I came back.  
But he can't see me. He can't even tell that I'm _there_.  
And I haven't been able to figure out how to fix it so he _can_. 

FRANK  
And the psychics, and shamans, and spiritualists ... 

MEERA  
Fakes. Obviously. If you advertise your connection with the great beyond via neon sign ... it's super-likely no such connection exists.  
Not _one_ of them could even sense my presence.  
I was beginning to think no one could. 

SADIE  
Oh! But then you found us! 

MEERA  
You two are the absolute _talk_ of the hereafter. 

FRANK  
Please don't take this as a complaint - believe me, I love nothing more than people _not_ bothering us - but why not come to us _first_? 

MEERA  
You know how you said earlier - you're not overrun with ghosts? 

SADIE  
You're something of a novelty, it's true. 

MEERA  
Well, lots of people die. Lots. And ... they want to come back, they want to tell their loved ones they're ok, they want to haunt the heck out of the guy that killed 'em, they work it out. They don't need to consult the experts. 

FRANK  
How long has it been? 

MEERA  
Time is ... weird, where I am. 

FRANK  
Ballpark it. Pick a _weird_ ballpark, if you need to. 

MEERA  
Five years. 

SADIE  
Five years ... you poor thing. And _Dan._  
That's it. Frank, we're helping them! 

FRANK  
Of course we are. I'm not a monster. 

SADIE  
Oh, but you're _my_ monster, Frankenstein. And the thought of not being able to ... for five _years_...  
I'll fill the flasks. Fetch my coat. 

FRANK  
Anything for you. 

SADIE  
Meera, let's get you home. Lead the way. 

[DOOR SLAMMING SFX]  


SADIE     /     FRANK  
Taxi! 

CABBIE  
Where to? 

FRANK  
Excellent question! Let me just think about that and definitely _not_ get the answer from the ghost with whom we are traveling. 

MEERA  
Oh! Murray Hill. 

FRANK  
...that's a place? 

MEERA  
He'll know where to go; just say it. 

FRANK  
Murray Hill! 

CABBIE  
Yeah, ok. 

[TIRE SCREECH SFX]  


[TIRE SCREECH SFX AGAIN]  


[CAR DOOR SLAM]  


SADIE     /     FRANK  
Keep the change! 

MEERA  
Ok. What do we do? 

SADIE  
We'll probably begin by knocking on the door. 

MEERA  
This is going to work? It'll be ok? 

FRANK  
We're your last shot, right? 

MEERA  
Yeah. 

FRANK  
Then I hope it works. 

SADIE  
But it will _definitely_ be ok. 

FRANK  
We're going to go ahead and knock now. 

[DOOR KNOCKING SFX]  


DAN  
Who's there? 

SADIE  
Sadie Doyle. You don't know me, but I'm _very_ nice. 

MEERA  
Seriously? 

FRANK  
She _is_. 

DAN  
Look, lady, it's late-  
[DOOR OPENING SFX]  
Hey, I don't know what you guys want, but ... 

SADIE  
We're not burglars! 

DAN  
No kidding. You're in a floor-length mink, and that one's wearing an ascot. Burglars ... usually less fancy. 

FRANK  
That's kind of you to say about what is _obviously_ my most casual ascot. We're friends of Meera's. Can we come in? 

DAN  
Of Meera's? You're... yeah, yeah. Come on in. 

SADIE  
You have a lovely home. 

FRANK  
Bit dark. Bit ... freezing and dark. 

SADIE  
Just lovely, though. The way you've ... stacked those magazines over there. 

DAN  
Sorry about the ... everything.  
You said you knew Meera? 

FRANK  
Just met her! Lovely girl. 

DAN  
Is that a joke? Because that is a _terrible_ joke. 

SADIE  
No, it's not a joke. We're in contact with your Meera. She came to us. 

DAN  
Excuse me? 

FRANK  
We know about the promise you made. To come back. 

DAN  
I don't believe you. 

MEERA  
Tell him ... [Whispers] 

SADIE  
She said to tell you: _it's not brie, it's en croute._

DAN  
Oh god. 

FRANK  
You two shared a lot of extremely meaningful cheese-based wordplay? 

DAN  
She loved puns. 

SADIE  
I'm happy to assure you she still does. 

MEERA  
When can I talk to him? When can he see me? 

FRANK  
We're getting there, calm down. I happen to know you have _literally nowhere else_ to be. 

DAN  
So she's just- 

SADIE  
She tried, Dan. She's been trying all these years. 

DAN  
Was it me? I tried, too, I swear. I meditated, and lit candles, and went to every ... offensive Gypsy stereotype in town who advertised communion with the spirit world. 

FRANK  
And it wasn't any of those _three_ things you tried? _Huh._

SADIE  
Dan dear, have you ever been looking for something _so hard_ , like a favorite shirt or that secret bottle of Pappy Van Winkle you're saving for your anniversary, that you look _right_ past it? Miss it all together? 

DAN  
Sure. 

SADIE  
Meera, Dan, this is _neither_ of your fault. You're both here. Right now. Isn't that _wonderful_? 

MEERA  
It is. 

DAN  
I heard that. 

MEERA  
You did? 

DAN  
I did! And that! And I _see_ you - oh ... _hi_. 

MEERA  
Hi. 

DAN  
How are you? 

MEERA  
Well. Dead. But it's ok! It's ok now. 

DAN  
Sadie, that was ... how did you-? 

FRANK  
Best not to question that old Sadie magic, you adorable kids. 

MEERA  
Thank you. 

SADIE  
We'll let you catch up. Do come calling again if you need us. 

FRANK  
Also: try not to need us! 

[DOOR OPENING SFX]  


[DOOR CLOSING SFX]  


FRANK  
Sadie love. What you said, about not being able to make a connection because they both wanted it too badly? Did you make that all up? 

SADIE  
What happened to not questioning that old Sadie magic? 

FRANK  
Indulge me. 

SADIE  
Entirely made up! 

FRANK  
I _knew_ it. 

SADIE  
I just needed them both to stop ... _despairing_ for _one_ moment. That's what kept them from realizing the one person they'd be the absolute happiest to see was literally _right there._

FRANK  
Now, Sadie: if you were ever taken from me, I'd make despair my full-time job! _Having_ one of which would, in turn, make me despair _even further._

SADIE  
Frank Doyle, nothing in this or any other world could ever keep me from you. 

FRANK  
And if something were to try? 

SADIE  
You know very well I'd make it wish it hadn't. And anyway, _you_ know _I_ know all sorts of ways to keep you from despair. 

FRANK  
You do indeed. Which reminds me: secret bottle of Pappy Van Winkle? 

SADIE  
Darling, if you can _find_ it, you can have the first taste. 

FRANK  
Why, it's not our anniversary for months, probably. 

SADIE  
Oh, let's celebrate tonight. 

FRANK  
And tomorrow? 

SADIE  
We'll celebrate then, too, my love. 

FRANK  
And after that? 

SADIE  
And every day forever and ever until our liquor orders run out. 

FRANK  
So: forever. 

SADIE  
Like I said. 

[MUSIC]  


SPOOKY HAL:  
It seems that where love is concerned in Frank and Sadie Doyle's world, anything ghost.  
Join the Doyles next time, when they once again walk beyond belief in a frightful episode titled: "Musical _Scares_ "


End file.
